România

It is almost overwhelming to think that in three months I will be half way around the world in a place I've only seen pictures of, helping children I've never met, and learning to love on an entirely differently level. Not since serving as a missionary have I felt so strongly about a decision. Not since my mission have I felt like I was about to embark on one of the most psychologically and emotionally taxing things I have ever done in my life. 

Why am I doing it? That, my dear friends, is a question I have yet to find a complete answer to. I can tell you bits and pieces, and perhaps that's all even I will have for quite some time. At least it's something.


I believe that God expects us to love everyone, not just those like us. There is a children's song in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that like this: "I'm trying to be like Jesus. I'm following in His ways. I'm trying to love as He did in all that I do and say." Christ sought out the poor, the leprous, the maimed, the halt, the sinner. He taught us the importance of loving and becoming like a little child. In some small way, I am seeking to follow His example.

God loves all His children. No matter who they are, where they were born, what their lives are like, or what they have done. Dieter F. Uchtdorf, a leader in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints recently had this to say, "The Lord doesn’t care at all if we spend our days working in marble halls or stable stalls. He knows where we are, no matter how humble our circumstances." He is aware of the children I will work with. He knows their names. He loves them. We all need that love, especially at times when it seems that His love is the only thing we have going for us. 


Every person born to this earth is a child of God. Every single one. One of the ways we express our love for God is by loving His children, our brothers and sisters. In 1 John, the Apostle John writes, "For if a man loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?" 


Finally, to those who may think this venture crazy, I submit this video. 


Sometimes, you have to be a little bit crazy. 
Sometimes, the world questions your craziness. 
Sometimes, most of the time, that craziness changes the world. 
Is this pursuit crazy? Perhaps. 


Mark my words, I will change the world. I will change the world for one of those children. I will also change myself. And that is what is most important.

And perhaps one day, the skeptics of mankind will finally understand that to truly live, one must live outside himself. Perhaps one day, they too will think differently. 

Are Mormons Christian?

This post is in response to an article on CNN (Check it out) in which a pastor of a mega church encouraged Republican voters not to vote for Romney "because he's a Mormon and described the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as a 'cult.'"


Let me make a few of things clear. First, I'm not a Republican. Second, I don't really like Mitt Romney. Third, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You cross the line when you insult the faith that I hold so dear. 


I will not, however, delve into the definition of cult or advocate voting for Romney simply on the basis that he is a Mormon. I will defend my faith. 


The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a Christian church. The name gives that away right off the bat -- The Church of Jesus Christ. If that doesn't clue you in, my dear pastor friend, then American's education is in worse condition than previously thought. Second, I believe in the Jesus Christ that born of Mary in Bethlehem, was baptized by John in the River Jordan, called Twelve Apostles, suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane, was crucified and resurrected, and who will come again to the earth. Sound familiar? I sure hope so. I know that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. He lives. Because of Him, we will live again after this life. 


I believe in the Bible. I read the King James Version. I also believe in the Book of Mormon. It is scripture, just like the Bible. It testifies of Jesus Christ. Don't believe me? I invite you to read it for yourself. Check out http://mormon.org/book-of-mormon/ to learn for yourself and even get a FREE copy! As you read the Book of Mormon, you will come closer to Christ. You will feel His love as you thoughtfully and prayerfully study it. I promise. Additionally, I invite you to pray about it. Don't take my word that it's true. Don't take the pastor's word that it's false. Take it up with the ultimate authority. 


Pastor Jeffress, I am sorry that you think that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a cult. I'm sorry that you don't think that we are Christian. Jesus Christ taught, "Ye shall know them by their fruits." Look at the fruits of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Are they grapes of thorns or figs of thistle? Are they good fruits? I'll let you look into the fruits and find out for yourself. I have found the fruits to be good. Check out mormon.org to check out the fruits and see the difference the Church has made in millions of lives all around the world. 

I am a Mormon. I am a Christian. I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. 

Letting Go

 Of all the things I have learned in life, I have yet to learn this  lesson. I can't let go of things, specifically character flaws. I long to keep them just a little longer before I turn them over or give them up.

While serving as a missionary in Missouri, people would often tell me about their trials in life and then say, "But I've just got to let go and let God." I love that idea and admire those with such faith. I am not one of such strength of character.

Jesus taught his disciples that, "If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you."

Mustard seed is tiny. Miniscule. It grows into a fairly good-sized bush, by the way. I think there is a double meaning to that scripture. First, if we have faith the size of a grain of mustard seed, we can experience great blessings and miracles. Second, if we have faith like a mustard seed, that is to say that we believe that we can become something greater than we are, we will grow beyond our capacity. We will grow into something we could not imagine to be possible.

I love having my life planned out. I know exactly what courses to take over the next year and a half, what I want to accomplish during that time, where I want to go for grad school, what I want to do after grad school, and so on. There have been times in my life when Heavenly Father said, "Nope. That's not the right path." Frustrated me to no end.

Example: My freshman year of college, I decided I was going to be a high school history teacher. I had everything figured out to do that. I walked into the advisement office to declare my major, and as I walked out, I was struck by the most unsettled feeling. It was like Heavenly Father saying, "I have something different in mind. You need to talk to me about this one." Ugg. And so, I was almost the world's shortest history teaching major.

Lately, I've been learning a lot about letting go and letting God. A lot of it has to do with being humble. We can't have one foot in our will and the other foot in our Heavenly Father's will. In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis illustrates this idea beautifully. Writing as if it was Christ speaking, he says:


"Give me all of you! I don’t want so much of your time, so much of your talents and money, and    so much of your work. I want YOU! ALL OF YOU! I have not come to torment or frustrate the natural man or woman, but to KILL IT! No half measures will do. I don’t want to only prune a branch here and a branch there; rather I want the whole tree out! Hand it over to me, the whole outfit, all of your desires, all of your wants and wishes and dreams. Turn them ALL over to me, give yourself to me and I will make of you a new self---in my image. Give me yourself and in exchange I will give you Myself. My will, shall become your will. My heart, shall become your heart."   



Letting go of our will requires that we swallow our pride. When we are filled with pride, we cannot accept God's will over our own. Trust me. Thankfully, Heavenly Father doesn't force us to accept his will. He waits for us to come around. "Yea, he that truly humbleth himself and repenteh of his sins, and endureth to the end, the same shall be blessed -- yeah, much more blessed  than they who are compelled to be humble..."


It may take some time for me to get to the point of being able to swallow my pride and admit that I can't do it on my own, that I am indeed powerless, and that my life has become unmanageable. I don't know that I'll learn how to completely let go and leave things to God for a long time. Perhaps it's due to a lack of faith or an abundance of pride. 


Often, I feel like the person in the poem in the picture at the top of the post -- I get really frustrated when things aren't going according to my plan. When things take too long, or I don't like the outcome, I often ask why it was that way. Lovingly and gently, but with a kind rebuke, Heavenly Father replies, "What could I do? You wouldn't let go." And so, that's where I am. 

I Just Want to Be OK

We each have individual trials, struggles, and sufferings. It's a part of life. Just like birth, puberty, taxes, and death. It comes with the territory. Lately, however, I've been contemplating the purpose of these experiences. Perhaps it is done in preparation for what I will go through in Romania. Perhaps it is just my thinking and over-analysis of said thinking. Who knows? Here are some of the conclusions I have come to.

1) We cannot entirely separate ourselves from our life events. Everything we experience becomes a part of our essence, a part of our soul. In describing the character Platon Karataev, Leo Tolstoy wrote, "But his life, as he regarded it, had no meaning as a separate thing. It had meaning only as part of a whole of which he was always conscious...He could not understand the value or significance of any word or deed taken separately."

2) Again quoting Tolstoy, "Life is everything. Life is God. Everything changes and moves and that movement is God. And while there is life there is joy in consciousness of the divine. To love life is to love God. Harder and more blessed than all else is to love one's life in sufferings, in innocent suffering."

3) It really is the time that we have wasted on our roses that makes them so worthwhile.

4) Everything will be made right in the end. If things aren't right, it's not the end.

5) The gift of love, compassion, and empathy are the greatest things man can aspire to gain in this life. A man is incomplete without these, and yet somehow, paradoxically incomplete with them. Man cannot be saved in isolation. We are not to be atomistic, individualistic, self-interested, Hobbesian beings. Indeed, the greatest thing one can ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. "The salvation of man is through love and in love." -- Viktor Frankl

6) Things will be OK. I will be OK. To love life is to love God. The inverse is also true. The object of our existence is to find happiness -- lasting happiness. That happiness comes as we lose ourselves in others. Viktor Frankl wrote, "The more one forgets himself -- by giving himself to a cause to serve or another person to love -- the more human he is and the more he actualizes himself."


The drive behind the decision to work in Romania stems, I think, from this last Frankl quote. Jesus said, "Whosoever shall lose his life shall find it." We become more and more human each time we give up a part of ourselves in the pursuit of something or someone else. I think that's what makes everything turn out OK in the end. I will be OK. We will be OK. The drive to make a difference is an inherently psychological and spiritual one. We seek psychological fulfillment and understanding of who we are and a spiritual understanding of our place in the world. We will be OK. I promise.

The Marginal Life

The title of this post is not to suggest that some lives are "almost insufficient" as Webster's defines marginal. Rather, I mean it in a sociological context. Sociologically, a marginal life is one that is "marked by contact with disparate cultures, and acquiring some but not all the traits and values common to any one of them."

So, a marginal life consists of experiencing different cultures, groups, peoples, and ideas and incorporating some of those experiences into who you are as an person. In a way, it's like the pie chart above; hopefully, with a few more divisions.

Mark Twain once wrote, "Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime."

The power in interaction is found in the fact that we become more of a person with each successive interaction. The experience I had working in the heart of Kansas City, Kansas have shaped my attitudes and beliefs on issues like poverty and education inequality. It taught me to value living life in the most basic, essential form. None of this extravagance or frivolous spending. Working with Nepalese, Indian, Burmese, and Thai refugees instilled within me the value of hospitality. These incredibly humble people open their homes willingly and offer ever amenity as their disposal. Experience in Utah has strengthened my political and social conception of the way the world should be. Idaho created the part of my soul that loves the outdoors, farms, and simplicity. My family has shaped part of my pie chart, as have my friends and teachers. Each interaction adds a piece to our puzzle that is us and the purpose or meaning we ascribe to our life and the ideals we cherish.

Living a marginal life leads us to question who we are as a person and where we belong in the scheme of things. Currently, I feel in a state of limbo because of this marginalization. I don't feel a sense of belonging in Idaho or Utah. Missouri calls back to me. Romania calls me forward. The values I have absorbed as one who lives a marginal life have attributed -- at least in part -- to my nomadic nature.

Who am I? This isn't a quaint existential exercise in self-examination or evaluation. This is a serious question, one that a marginal life begs to have answered. It's not an easy question to answer, I think. I've got some thinking to do about it myself. I invite you to do the same. Live a marginal life. See what good it does for you. Who are you?

Desiderata

I came across the poem Desiderata by Max Ehrmann because of a friend. It has, as of late, become my mantra. There is powerful counsel in the words of that poem. The title is Latin for "desired things."

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism. 

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

You are a child of the universe...And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should...With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. And that's all I have to say about that.

On Being a Commitment-Phobe

A phobia is defined as, "A persistent, irrational fear of a specific object, activity, or situation that leads to a compelling desire to avoid it" (Webster's Dictionary). I therefore, suffer from commitmentphobia. Look it up. Wikipedia mentions it.

I have this very irrational fear of commitment and being tied to a specific thing or job or activity, and so I move around frequently. To avoid commitment to Utah, I leave every couple of weeks. I can't commit to finish school early because I have things I want to do -- extravagant vacations and the like, if you will. I can't commit to relationships or houses, marathons or rock concerts. I hate the idea of commitment for some strange, crazy reason.

The problem is that life requires commitment. Sort of a big problem, right? We commit to an education, to a career, to a faith, a political ideology, or a significant other. All these are essential to finding meaning and purpose in our life. Does a life of commitmentphobia mean a life void of meaning?

I am, however, working on overcoming this phobia. Despite being a nomadic gypsy person, I have successfully decided to commit to a job in Provo that will further my career opportunities. I have planned to finish school on time, which requires staying in Utah starting in April of next year. I have committed to a plan of action for my life after that. I have a five year plan. Finally, I am committed to something.

Commitmentphobia stems, I think, from an inability to make decisions. It's a great trial in life to not be able to make decisions. Making decisions is part of life and when we are indecisive, we try to cop out of living by delegating the decision making process to someone else. We are afraid to make the wrong decision. In our futile attempt to please everyone, we become useless to the very being we need -- ourselves. Our life becomes nothing more than what other people want from us. Nothing is ever what we want.

This is not to say that we should be self-interested, atomistic, individualistic beings. That's a terrible, awful idea. It is to say that to overcome the plague of commitmentphobia, we must do things for ourselves, things that we want to do and not things that others want us to do.

Perhaps, commitmentphobia does create a life devoid of meaning -- personal meaning. Psychiatrist Victor Frankl wrote, "A human being is not one thing among others; things determine each other, but man is ultimately self-determining. What he becomes -- within the limits of endowment and environment -- he has made out of himself...Man has both [positive and negative] potentialities within himself; which one is actualized depends on decisions but not on conditions."

Let us then make the decision to be a man and not a thing. Let us shed our commitmentphobia.