Life Is Pain

I've been thinking about pain a lot lately. We experience a lot of it in life. The most pain I have ever experienced was in high school when I blew out my ACL and meniscus. I'm pretty sure that pain trumps pretty much everything. 


Pain is not, of course, simply limited to physical pain. Often, the pain that hurts the most is pain of the soul. When we make mistakes, violate social norms and expectations, or commit what our faith deems to be a sin, we feel pain. That pain stems from various sources -- being ostracized, physical punishment, guilt, remorse, or disappointment.  


The most difficult pain is the pain that comes as others experience pain that you can neither stop nor ease. I can think of at least three experiences like this from my time as a missionary. Those times were devastating experiences. 


These thinkings stem from my emotional preparation for Romania. I feel like that's where most of my posts as of late have stemmed from. My kids have experienced much in their short lives. A lot of that has been pain -- physical, emotional, psychological. They have much to teach me about pain. The pain of my blown out knee pales in comparison to the things these children know. C.S. Lewis wrote, "We have a choice to make when we see extreme suffering. We can let it eat away at us and we can curse God. Or, we can choose to let it break our hearts and enlarge them."


That really is the key to understanding why there is evil, suffering, and sadness in the world. The purpose of pain is to teach, humble, and chastise. It never lasts forever. In a New Testament class I took, we studied the Book of Revelation -- a tricky subject in and of itself. My teacher was quick to point out the importance of numbers. When the Lord says that the afflictions shall be 10 days, what he is saying is that the afflictions, tribulations, and sufferings will be for an imperfect amount of time. In other words, their bounds are set. The things we experience in life -- the bad, ugly, horrible, miserable things -- have an end. 

As William Goldman writes in The Princess Bride, "Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something."

The Meaning of Christmas

It was once said that there would be no Christmas if not for Easter. Today, my thoughts dwell on the meaning of Christmas.

In all actuality, Christmas makes me feel rather like the Grinch or Mr. Ebenezer Scrooge. For a time that is celebrates gifts and love and giving, there sure seems to be a lot of greed, selfishness, envy, and hatred going around. In the mass commercialization that has become such a familiar part of Christmas, I wonder if we have lost sight of what the purpose of everything is.

While serving a mission in the great states of Kansas and Missouri, I had a powerful experience that taught me the true meaning of Christmas, gifts, and what it all means. I was in Wichita, Kansas for a meeting with other missionaries as part of a traveling Christmas music program. After the meeting, we (myself and the other missionaries in the music group) decided to go and carol to some of the nursing homes in the area. As we sung Christmas hymns and classic songs, my heart was filled with an understanding of Christmas. The purpose of Christmas is to remind us of charity -- the pure love of God. Think about it. Everyone involved in the first Christmas showed love and charity. Joseph displayed this powerful attribute when he didn't put Mary away, the wise men came bearing precious gifts, God gave us the gift of His Son so that we may be made whole.

Of course, that gift -- Jesus Christ -- was the paramount gift that Christmas. He was to be the one to redeem the world, to show us "a more excellent way," and to heal the broken hearted. That is why we give gifts on Christmas. We seek to emulate the gift given to the world by sacrificing our own wants, needs, or desires to fulfill those of another person. That is what Christmas is about -- not the toys, the Black Friday deals, or even the treats (GASP!).

Lastly, Christmas is a time of hope. That first Christmas brought new hope into a dark, dreary, and hopeless world. It is my hope that perhaps one day, we will have a Christmas without any fear, sorrow, or anguish -- a Christmas that is a good one.

And I'm Feeling Good

I have decided that too many of my recent blog posts seem mildly depressing. That is not the intent of the blog. And so, I am changing tones. Happiness is what God intends for us, anyway.

I love this song. Also, I am beginning to love Nina Simone. She's got some sick, soulful scat skills. True story. I think there is great power in this song. Every day is a new dawn, a new life. We get to see what we can make of it. Isn't that cool?

This semester I've been learning a lot about anxiety and its triggers. One thing that often results in anxiety is having too much on our plate that we feel we have to get done. "Have to," I've learned, is a dangerous mindset. We really don't have to do anything. We have the incredible ability to make choices, and so we get to choose every single day what we want to do. It makes things an adventure in every sense of the word.

Visualize a mental list of all the things that you need to accomplish in the next week. Do it. Close your eyes and visualize it. Sometimes, it's a pretty lengthy list. Now, imagine trying to complete everything on that list today. How does that feel? Do you feel some tension? Now, think to yourself, "Oh boy! I wonder what I can do today." How does that feel. Notice a difference?

I do that drill everyday. It has helped me immensely. It's a work in progress. We cannot ever accomplish everything we want to in a day. There's only 24 hours, after all. Eight of those are spent sleeping, three or so are spent eating, at least one of those hours is spent in the bathroom. A full-time job fills up another eight hours, and lo and behold, we have twenty of our twenty-four hours filled. That went by pretty fast, didn't it?

This is not a post in praise of laziness. It is a post about priorities and decisions. Every day, I decide what the most important things for that day are going to be and I do my best to get them done. The annoyance that comes from not finishing everything motivates and causes reevaluation. Did I try to do too many things? Were they really all that important? Are there things I can eliminate? Bit by bit, the unimportant -- or at least less important -- fall away.

That's really the take home lesson for today -- learn to choose and prioritize. We can't always do everything. As much as I would like, I cannot save every child in Romania and Africa simultaneously. I cannot clone myself or be in two places at once. But I can do things one step at a time, one day at a time. Gandalf tells Frodo, "All we have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given us." Pretty profound statement of truth. We only have so much time. Choose wisely.

Concerning Tests of an Abrahamic Nature and Currant Bushes

It's a silly thing, this business we call life. Sometimes, it seems like the ultimate Ponzi scheme -- you put tons in and get little to nothing back. Returns are often minimal and take extended periods of time to show any significant gains and there is huge risk involved. We measure our life progress against the returns. We get frustrated when we see minimalistic progress and rejoice when we see great gains. Essentially, we have become pragmatic emotionalists.

Then -- seemingly out of the blue -- we encounter some great turbulence that tests our resolve in these unsettling times for the economy of our being -- a spiritual recession, a psyche bubble burst, or a crisis of faith.

Biblically, we have stories of such occurrences. The greatest of these was the test of Abraham. Think of it. God promises you posterity greater than the sands of the sea and here you are with one kid. At this point, I'd be thinking, "Right, God. That's a good one! You got me." Then, one day God tells you to take that one kid of your's -- only at this point he's a young adult -- and go sacrifice him. Again, I'm thinking, "Right...Are you sure about this whole omniscience thing?" This would have been the perfect time for a crisis of faith. And yet Abraham obeyed.

And so, we now refer to great tests and trials -- times when we are called upon to sacrifice something we hold dear -- Abrahamic tests. Unlike Abraham, we are not asked to sacrifice our only hope for posterity. Sometimes the things we are asked to sacrifice seem like things that cost rather than benefit -- two years for missionary service, one-tenth of our income, or not working Sundays. Rarely do sacrifices of the nature of Abraham's make sense. I think God does that on purpose. God asks us to do things because He knows the long term benefits. Think of Him as the ultimate investment broker.

More often than not, we are called upon to sacrifice part of ourselves -- our pride, our sins, or our heart -- and those are the most difficult sacrifices. It so much easier to give away some detached part of us, like money. The Lord doesn't want that, though. He wants us, and so we must lay ourselves upon our Abrahamic alter of sacrifice. That scares me.

God knows what He is doing when He places before us these great Abrahamic tests. We may not understand it right now, but one day we will.

 Hugh B. Brown gave a speech at BYU commencement in 1968 that has become one of my favorite talks. Entitled "God is the Gardener," it speaks of these great tests and God's reasons for them. This is only part of the talk, and it is just an audio recording. Brother Brown had just related how he owned a piece of property in Canada and on that property was a neglected currant bush. He decided that it needed to be pruned if any good was to come of it. This clip picks up after he has explained that he has a horrible habit of talking to inanimate objects.

"How could you do this to me? I was making such marvelous growth and now you've cut me down! I thought you were supposed to be the gardener." Sometimes we ask that. Sometimes I ask that. Sometimes we don't understand what the plan is. There are great risks -- in our eyes -- when we put our trust in God. We risk being cut down after what seems to us to be marvelous growth.

Perhaps I am alone in finding it difficult to trust God completely. I've never been one who excels at trust falls and other trust building activities. Sometimes, a lot of times, I am the currant bush. Sometimes, I don't want to sacrifice a part of me. I'd rather hold to everything and not risk anything. I'd rather be comfortable than experience growing pains. All the time, that isn't what God wants. He wants to help us grow and become more than we currently are.

România

It is almost overwhelming to think that in three months I will be half way around the world in a place I've only seen pictures of, helping children I've never met, and learning to love on an entirely differently level. Not since serving as a missionary have I felt so strongly about a decision. Not since my mission have I felt like I was about to embark on one of the most psychologically and emotionally taxing things I have ever done in my life. 

Why am I doing it? That, my dear friends, is a question I have yet to find a complete answer to. I can tell you bits and pieces, and perhaps that's all even I will have for quite some time. At least it's something.


I believe that God expects us to love everyone, not just those like us. There is a children's song in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that like this: "I'm trying to be like Jesus. I'm following in His ways. I'm trying to love as He did in all that I do and say." Christ sought out the poor, the leprous, the maimed, the halt, the sinner. He taught us the importance of loving and becoming like a little child. In some small way, I am seeking to follow His example.

God loves all His children. No matter who they are, where they were born, what their lives are like, or what they have done. Dieter F. Uchtdorf, a leader in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints recently had this to say, "The Lord doesn’t care at all if we spend our days working in marble halls or stable stalls. He knows where we are, no matter how humble our circumstances." He is aware of the children I will work with. He knows their names. He loves them. We all need that love, especially at times when it seems that His love is the only thing we have going for us. 


Every person born to this earth is a child of God. Every single one. One of the ways we express our love for God is by loving His children, our brothers and sisters. In 1 John, the Apostle John writes, "For if a man loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?" 


Finally, to those who may think this venture crazy, I submit this video. 


Sometimes, you have to be a little bit crazy. 
Sometimes, the world questions your craziness. 
Sometimes, most of the time, that craziness changes the world. 
Is this pursuit crazy? Perhaps. 


Mark my words, I will change the world. I will change the world for one of those children. I will also change myself. And that is what is most important.

And perhaps one day, the skeptics of mankind will finally understand that to truly live, one must live outside himself. Perhaps one day, they too will think differently. 

Are Mormons Christian?

This post is in response to an article on CNN (Check it out) in which a pastor of a mega church encouraged Republican voters not to vote for Romney "because he's a Mormon and described the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as a 'cult.'"


Let me make a few of things clear. First, I'm not a Republican. Second, I don't really like Mitt Romney. Third, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You cross the line when you insult the faith that I hold so dear. 


I will not, however, delve into the definition of cult or advocate voting for Romney simply on the basis that he is a Mormon. I will defend my faith. 


The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a Christian church. The name gives that away right off the bat -- The Church of Jesus Christ. If that doesn't clue you in, my dear pastor friend, then American's education is in worse condition than previously thought. Second, I believe in the Jesus Christ that born of Mary in Bethlehem, was baptized by John in the River Jordan, called Twelve Apostles, suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane, was crucified and resurrected, and who will come again to the earth. Sound familiar? I sure hope so. I know that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. He lives. Because of Him, we will live again after this life. 


I believe in the Bible. I read the King James Version. I also believe in the Book of Mormon. It is scripture, just like the Bible. It testifies of Jesus Christ. Don't believe me? I invite you to read it for yourself. Check out http://mormon.org/book-of-mormon/ to learn for yourself and even get a FREE copy! As you read the Book of Mormon, you will come closer to Christ. You will feel His love as you thoughtfully and prayerfully study it. I promise. Additionally, I invite you to pray about it. Don't take my word that it's true. Don't take the pastor's word that it's false. Take it up with the ultimate authority. 


Pastor Jeffress, I am sorry that you think that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a cult. I'm sorry that you don't think that we are Christian. Jesus Christ taught, "Ye shall know them by their fruits." Look at the fruits of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Are they grapes of thorns or figs of thistle? Are they good fruits? I'll let you look into the fruits and find out for yourself. I have found the fruits to be good. Check out mormon.org to check out the fruits and see the difference the Church has made in millions of lives all around the world. 

I am a Mormon. I am a Christian. I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. 

Letting Go

 Of all the things I have learned in life, I have yet to learn this  lesson. I can't let go of things, specifically character flaws. I long to keep them just a little longer before I turn them over or give them up.

While serving as a missionary in Missouri, people would often tell me about their trials in life and then say, "But I've just got to let go and let God." I love that idea and admire those with such faith. I am not one of such strength of character.

Jesus taught his disciples that, "If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you."

Mustard seed is tiny. Miniscule. It grows into a fairly good-sized bush, by the way. I think there is a double meaning to that scripture. First, if we have faith the size of a grain of mustard seed, we can experience great blessings and miracles. Second, if we have faith like a mustard seed, that is to say that we believe that we can become something greater than we are, we will grow beyond our capacity. We will grow into something we could not imagine to be possible.

I love having my life planned out. I know exactly what courses to take over the next year and a half, what I want to accomplish during that time, where I want to go for grad school, what I want to do after grad school, and so on. There have been times in my life when Heavenly Father said, "Nope. That's not the right path." Frustrated me to no end.

Example: My freshman year of college, I decided I was going to be a high school history teacher. I had everything figured out to do that. I walked into the advisement office to declare my major, and as I walked out, I was struck by the most unsettled feeling. It was like Heavenly Father saying, "I have something different in mind. You need to talk to me about this one." Ugg. And so, I was almost the world's shortest history teaching major.

Lately, I've been learning a lot about letting go and letting God. A lot of it has to do with being humble. We can't have one foot in our will and the other foot in our Heavenly Father's will. In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis illustrates this idea beautifully. Writing as if it was Christ speaking, he says:


"Give me all of you! I don’t want so much of your time, so much of your talents and money, and    so much of your work. I want YOU! ALL OF YOU! I have not come to torment or frustrate the natural man or woman, but to KILL IT! No half measures will do. I don’t want to only prune a branch here and a branch there; rather I want the whole tree out! Hand it over to me, the whole outfit, all of your desires, all of your wants and wishes and dreams. Turn them ALL over to me, give yourself to me and I will make of you a new self---in my image. Give me yourself and in exchange I will give you Myself. My will, shall become your will. My heart, shall become your heart."   



Letting go of our will requires that we swallow our pride. When we are filled with pride, we cannot accept God's will over our own. Trust me. Thankfully, Heavenly Father doesn't force us to accept his will. He waits for us to come around. "Yea, he that truly humbleth himself and repenteh of his sins, and endureth to the end, the same shall be blessed -- yeah, much more blessed  than they who are compelled to be humble..."


It may take some time for me to get to the point of being able to swallow my pride and admit that I can't do it on my own, that I am indeed powerless, and that my life has become unmanageable. I don't know that I'll learn how to completely let go and leave things to God for a long time. Perhaps it's due to a lack of faith or an abundance of pride. 


Often, I feel like the person in the poem in the picture at the top of the post -- I get really frustrated when things aren't going according to my plan. When things take too long, or I don't like the outcome, I often ask why it was that way. Lovingly and gently, but with a kind rebuke, Heavenly Father replies, "What could I do? You wouldn't let go." And so, that's where I am.