Girls -- I don't understand them. At all. If any of my female friends would like to enlighten me on how to understand the feminine mind, I would love it. Girls, please don't try to be so mysterious and confusing. I feel like I'm pretty straight forward in expressing things. I'm just asking for a little reciprocity. That's all. You'd think I would have a better understanding of relationships and girls and such since I grew up with four sisters. Not so. My sisters tend to make even less sense to me than other girls, but I love them anyway.
I still do not understand girls. They are so strange. I feel like sometimes they try to define relationships way too soon, which just makes things mildly awkward for the rest of the time...True story.Dating at BYU feels very mechanical -- you do it because that's what you're supposed to do or what culture mandates. Maybe that's just my struggle with the culture in Utah. Maybe it's sociology. One purpose of dating is to prepare you to find/marry your eternal companion. In the process, you find things that you want and don't want in a potential spouse. That's why it's fun to date lots of people.
I also don't understand the rush to get married. I enjoy taking my time with things, and I think that when something as important as marriage is involved, it should take time. Girls, it's okay to be 20 (or older) and single. Guys (especially RMs) it's okay to not be married after only being home for three weeks. Cool the jets, please.
This thinking stems mostly from this two year plan I developed. It goes something like this: I spent my mission (2 years) being with someone constantly. I am giving myself at least that much time without serious/committed relationships. So far, it's worked out fairly well. I still date... occasionally...and make friends with girls in my ward and classes.
There's this theory in sociology called the Paradox of Love Relations. Because society is becoming more and more individualistic and we have fewer and fewer meaningful relationships, we look for substitutes and try really hard to have those relationships. In doing so, we strive to find someone who will accept all of who and what we are. We let them see every side of us, every skeleton we've kept hidden, and every dream and aspiration. In doing this, we scare the other off -- we are viewed as too intense or desperate. We can't let everything out. Somethings are best left hidden. In searching for the idea of love, we come to find that we cannot have a perfect love and we slowly begin to hide who we are and what it means to exist for us.
That's all I have to say about that today. The Paradox of Love Relations. Confusing women. Two year plans. Girls. You make no sense.
I chuckled a little at the girls make no sense. I don't know what it is, but something in the female mind thinks that the male should be able to know what she wants without her saying a word. After being married for 2.5 years I am learning that it is not a good strategy to use.
ReplyDeleteI think it is good that you don't want to rush marriage. I do think it is important not to put it off, but I know you well enough Bryce to know that you will listen to the spirit and know if you need to take those steps or not.
It sounds like you are enjoying single life and that's wonderful. Keep enjoying it, because it is a one of a kind experience. :)
Yeah Bryce blog! I was so excited to hear you have one, and that I got to read it! (Even if it was on dating trials at BYU...HAHA) Ummm...we can't enlighten you because we don't understand ourselves. Isn't that great?! You have it writing...don't ever forget.
ReplyDeletehere's my thing. i think dating casually and for fun is awesome and fine. but when a guy has asked you on the 3rd date then i would start to wonder. and honestly. i think that is rational because then you start to really think as a girl "ok this guy has to like me". but then guys are confusing because they never speak up anymore! they just hold your hand one night and then dont talk to you for a month. thats why i get confused at least.
ReplyDeletei think both parties need to speak up and just put feelings out there. and if the feelings arent mutual, get over it and still be friends. the end. i think for a guy to lead a girl on and visa versa is just annoying and makes things way more complicated.
-jill
I just wrote a long comment, and it wouldn't post! =P It's a good thing that I have a good memory!
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you remember my mentioning B.O.L.D. It was a group consisting of myself and three of my best buddies at the "Y." B.O.L.D. stood for "The Brotherhood of Living Dangerously." The living dangerously part was daring to date! Our nickname for the girls was "Crazy Wubs (pronounced Woobs)," and boy were they ever! I'm afraid that part doesn't change. No matter how much I get to know my Wife, her logic still doesn't add up to me, but I love her anyway. She does me the same favor, despite her misgivings about me.
The good news is that communication and trust cut way down on the confusion. The bad news is that after nearly 18 years of marriage, we're still learning how to do those things effectively. I suppose that could also be considered good news. The older that I get, the more I realize that any lasting relationship takes a whole lot of work, but the results are well worth it! ;)
Hang in there, Bryce! Perhaps that's what love is-two people ready to communicate, trust, and work at it. You're definitely right about one thing, there's no such thing as a "perfect" relationship. Any true relationship is the result of investing enough in each other to make up for the inevitable withdrawals. Unconditional love develops when each person assumes the best about the other. Good luck and happy hunting! =D
Congratulations! Yours is the first blog I've ever commented on and one of the few I’ve ever read. Anyway, girls…and boys, don’t get me started on what I don’t understand about boys. I’m not at all the typical girl. I’ve been called forward and “awkward on purpose,” even crazy when it comes to my interactions with guys. What I’ve learned in my nearly 27 years about dating is while you do want to be concerned about the other person, you can only respond based on your own feelings. If you want to ask someone to go with you somewhere, do it. If you want to make someone cookies, do it. You can’t worry about what the other person is thinking. You’ll find out eventually. I don’t believe in dating rules, except for the ones outlined specifically by the general authorities to keep us chaste. Know your own needs in relationships/friendships. My needs happen to be conversation and affection, both things that make men run.
ReplyDeleteI know that I need good, occasionally deep, conversation from men, otherwise they will never be anything more than an acquaintance to me (even if he does like to play RockBand or is really into music). I need to be able to tell him anything and everything about my life, nothing hidden. Sometimes guys do run the other way because I intimidate them with all I tell them and some become my best friends but are afraid to date me and that’s fine. I know what I want and I’m willing to wait forever for the man who won’t run.
I need male affection. Don’t think I’m a little harlot running around kissing everything that’s male, when in fact I have little experience there. I am a fan of hugs, the kind with meaning that leave you feeling a little closer to the person.
Lastly, I don’t believe in driving myself mad over guys anymore. If it gets to the point where I like a guy so much that it consumes every thought and emotion, making me miserable, I muster together all my courage and tell him that I like him, wait for a response, and I move on. I quit worrying about messing things up because as long as I’m trying to follow the spirit the best I know how I know things will work out for my happiness and God’s happiness. I don’t tell you all this so you can help find me some man but maybe to get you thinking about what you thrive on in all sorts of relationships. If you don’t know who you are and where you stand, how can you meet the needs of another in friendship or marriage most effectively?
Erin
Warning, Erin was delusional and sick when she wrote this ^. Keep that in mind.
ReplyDeleteI found it Bryce! thanks for saying it, your way.
ReplyDelete