Thursday, February 14, 2013


Just as everything was starting to make sense and the life plan had been officially approved, I have felt the need to redirect my life. Ugg. It's not even just a me feeling. It's kind of like a God feeling. I hate it when He does that. They happen way too frequently, I think. Maybe that's some sort of indication on the direction my life is going. That's actually probably quite feasible.

I think my life GPS is probably operated by the Allstate Mayhem Guy. I'm about 85% confident that I'm right on that one. Trust me.

And so, the question becomes, "Where, in the name of all that is holy, do I go from here?" In the last year I have had so many certainties become uncertainties and vice versa. What I thought I was going to do has changed so many times that my head is left spinning out of control. I am not going to bore you with details. Those who know will know and those who do not must resort to reading between the lines. Sweet, omnipotent power that comes as the author of this blog!

Yet, here I am, poised between two very good things and several other pretty good things. Some divine signage is appreciated, but it becomes mildly inconvenient when said signage tells you to take the exit you passed 45 miles ago. The thought process goes something like, "Are you kidding me?!? Why didn't you just tell me I needed that exit? Now, you seriously want me to turn around? Do you have any idea how ridiculously inefficient this is? I'm almost to the exit I want to take. Why don't I just stick to that one?" 

But no. That's not how these things work apparently. Also, I'm not entirely as cynical about this redirection as my driving dialogue with God would suggest. I appreciate that doors have opened up in several avenues to accomplish whatever needs to be done. Sometimes, I get so busy with life plans and figuring things out that I forget where the best direction comes from. I forget to listen for divine help. I forget that the course corrections that have already come in my life have turned out for better than I could have anticipated.

Maybe, it is not me being redirected by the Mayhem Guy GPS, but rather me serving as the GPS that reroutes and recalculates every five minutes. I know where I want to go, and I think that my destination is also God's destination for me. Wrong again. Choice exists, but often that choice is guided by our social, religious, biological, and geographical contexts. That's sociology. It happens. Context influences the decisions we make and the ability we have to make such decisions. My context has changed about 100 times in the last year. Yes, that is an accurate number. 

In the words of Coldplay, "I don't know which way I'm going. I don't know what I'll become." 

In the end, that's where we stand -- somewhere between the abyss of the unknown and the valley of the known. We see what lies before us, and yet so much of it remains hidden, buried in the vast expanse of horizon or the darkness of depth. All that remains is to decide which we pursue, which direction to take, whether or not to listen to the life plan GPS. In that spirit, enjoy the wonderful Allstate GPS commercial. Good luck.